With the release of the motion picture Gnomeo & Juliet, are the cuddly little scamps poised to take over the world? True, gnomes lack the sex appeal of vampires (unless you have one of those bizarre gnome fetishes), but they would make a nice change from the angst-riddled undead.
I have always had a fondness for the charming plaster Garden Gnomes. Strategically placed in a garden, they make even the blandest suburban box seem a little more like an enchanted cottage. I think that fondness might have arisen from the gnomes on the cover of George Harrison’s All Things Must Pass. But as I’ve only ever had a mildly successful balcony herb garden, I’ve never felt like I deserved gnomes of my very own.
Not to sound like I’m boasting, but gnomes were a somewhat significant part of my life long before the current buzz they’ve created on Entertainment Tonight. I like being ahead of trends. It makes me feel special.
When I joined the Brownies at age six, it was customary (and still is, I think) to group girls into “sixes,” each named for small, docile magical creatures. I became a Gnome. According to Brownie lore, gnomes were known for being very selfless and helpful around the house (which was also what the elves and faeries and pixies were known for too but we’ll leave that for now). By age eight, I became the leader of the Gnomes (simply because I was the oldest, but still, I was once in charge of other people).
The Laughing Gnome (the debut single David Bowie wishes would burrow back to the underworld from whence it came, never to return) and the Underpants Gnomes of South Park have brought many a smile to my face through the decades. As have the non-cuddly and bitey gnomes that inhabit the gardens of Harry Potter’s world.
As refreshing as gnomes and their lack of irony and attitude are, I fear that like vamps and zombies, they run the risk of becoming overexposed. They are unfamiliar with the dangers of the world of humans and therefore easily duped.
Just a few short years ago a group of frat boys showed up at one of our anti-KFC demos and introduced us to a little plaster fellow named Gnome Chomsky. Turns out they were trying to disarm us for evil purposes. They then proceeded to shove buckets of chicken into our faces (until my friend Ken scared them away). Sadly, I was unable to rescue poor Gnome Chomsky before the obnoxious twits departed.
If we’re not careful there will soon be gnome related TV shows (a family of gnomes moves to a mid-American subdivision where wackiness ensues, perhaps). And there will be designer gnomes made of gold in the garden of every celebutard (probably hand crafted to look like said celebutard). I have no doubt Hollywood will hang them out to dry and those poor gnomes will be forced to run back to the woods and bite off pieces of their own little mushroom houses to forget the horrors we exposed them to. And they deserve much better than that.
Can we be gentle with the little folk, please? Don’t make them into even bigger marketing gimmicks (I’m looking at you Travelocity.com!) I for one would welcome gnomes into our world on a larger scale. The human race is a mess and we could learn a lot from the example of these peaceful nature-loving beings.
Let’s not steal their magic and make them as shallow and tiresome as humans.
With their tiny lanterns they will show us the way!
