Sometimes wisdom comes from unexpected sources.
I watched a goodly amount of stand-up comedy as a lass. I remember a very select portion of all that material. But one I do remember was via a late comedian (sadly, I can’t recall his name, I just remember he died). It went something like:
I don’t get why guys complain about having to wear prophylactics during sex. I don’t care if I have I have to wear a viking hat and a wetsuit. As long as I know I’m getting a piece!
That made a lot of sense to my teenage self. Back then, every single famous person was begging us youngsters to either refrain from sex or stick with one partner or use latex condoms. AIDS was a very hefty price to pay for a fleeting moment (or even an hour) of getting off.
We had that message EVERYWHERE. It had permeated all media: music, television, music television…
But are the adults those teens turned into remembering any of it?
It seems as soon as the media latched onto a new illness to frighten us with, we all got the impression that we were immortal sex gods again.
STDs have not gone away. Yes, they might appear to be up only because tests are becoming more sophisticated (and more of us are getting tested). But the fact is, reported or not they were always there. And still are.
http://www.cdc.gov/std/stats08/trends.htm
And many of us are screwing around without giving protection a thought. I’ve had an alarming number of friends (boys and girls) just casually moaning about the grief they get from men about taking precautions against any infections that might at best make our nether regions itchy, and possibly lead to great pain or infertility or death.
Guys, are condoms THAT much of a buzz kill? Are you really having such an easy time getting laid that you can risk scaring off women (who for some unfathomable reason have trouble trusting a guy she didn’t know from Adam before those tequila shots)?
And what about us gals? Yeah, we’re raised to be polite and docile and eager to please no matter what. But is making boys like us worth taking our health in our hands? Gosh, if he thinks I don’t believe his “I literally just got tested and I’m clean” story he might pout or lose interest and then I’ll never find true love — woe is me!
People lie. A lot. Always.
And people will also believe whatever doesn’t get in the way of instant gratification.
And then one day they find, “gee, it hurts when I pee. That can’t be good.”
Or years later their doctors tell them the STD that went undetected back in college has evolved into something frightening and irreversible.
Obviously, we haven’t gotten the concept of safer sex.
So, maybe it’s time for a new concept.
No, I’m absolutely not suggesting stapling our legs together. But what might happen if we started a campaign encouraging self-gratification over casual sex?
Yes, there’s a stigma. No one wants to admit they’re just staying home Saturday night with Mrs. Palm and her five naughty daughters (or BOB). Especially when your peers are boasting about their skanky weekend conquests.
But really, which is more dignified:
1. Taking charge of your sex life with a trip to Come As You Are and curling up with a glass of cabernet and season five of Angel (or any stimulation of your choosing).
2. Take a chance with some random mysterious individual you might meet at a bar or the library or wherever. A mysterious individual who will more often than not be a crashing disappointment in the sack (so my poor friends have often reported. I’ve never experienced that myself, no siree) and may leave you a rather icksome souvenier of the encounter.
I’m sure I don’t need to draw any pictures. My readers are a worldly bunch.
Don’t think of it as celibacy or monogamy. Think of it as using your wisdom to make idiots who think they are above condoms obsolete.
Until next time…
