WARNING: if the title of this post didn’t give it away, I’ll be talking about matters of a sexual nature so if you’re at all squicky about that sort of thing, please go read the other posts. Thank you.
Just when women thought we’d run out of things to feel insecure about, my friend Paul brings this to my attention:
http://www.mynewpinkbutton.com/content/The_Product.htm
This sort of thing has been employed by the porn industry for years, giving actresses that girlish pink glow down below on camera. Now you too can have the genetalia of a porn star (provided you’re willing to wax away all your pubic hair and bleach your arse hole as well).
So it’s not enough that we have to bemoan our faces wrinkling and our breasts succumbing to gravity (and are expected to spend lots of money trying to prevent these things from happening), we’re now expected to dye our nether regions an acceptable colour?
Initially, I was prepared to file this under “WTF?” and forget about it. But then I didn’t.
Just as breasts, even on teenagers, are generally not perfectly spherical and air-born, one’s labia is rarely, if ever, the colour of Pepto Bismol. Except in porn, where reality goes for a lost weekend and often comes back with a nasty infection.
The creator of this product claims to “restore our natural pigment,” which allegedly changes with the transition from girl to womanhood, pregnancy etc.. If it’s so natural, why do we need a dye to attain it?
Not that I spent any length of time squatting naked over a mirror studying my exact colour throughout my life, but this “loss of colour” is just a bullshit marketing angle designed to make us feel old and undesirable enough to pay money for the privilege of smearing chemicals on our delicate parts.
Let’s think about the idea of putting a dye on one’s genitalia for a moment, shall we. It’s uncomfortable enough when your skin reacts badly to a face cream. I shudder to think of how unhappy you’d be if this stuff didn’t agree with your chemistry “down there.” I would not delight in the idea of explaining that to my doctor.
Realistically, I don’t think the majority of men really give a shit about the colour of a woman’s labia. They’re just happy to be near it. Or at least that’s what an informal poll of my friends tells me. Granted, my friends are not idiots who watch so much porn (or at least certain kinds of porn) that their idea of what a woman looks like has been completely warped. And why would we ever want to cater to such people?
Such men (and women too, I am sad to say) want us to all look the same from the colour of the hair on our heads to the colour of our fun parts, probably because they really do see us as all being alike and too much variation in our appearances makes them nervous.
Personally, if anyone ever complained that mine didn’t look enough like the inside of a sea shell, I’d just tell him his pecker was ugly and to put on his pants and get the hell out of my bed before I scream for my roommates and they come and beat the crap out of him.
This stuff, in addition to having an insipid name, is just silly and pointless at best and at worst, dangerous. But I guess in order to make money during a recession, you literally have to hit people below the belt.
